


Jareor

by FluffNStuff



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555 (mentioned) - Freeform, Canon-Typical Violence, Clone medics need a fucking vacation, Dissociation, Gen, High Risk Espionage, Hurt/Comfort, Legends references, Mando’a, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post Conspiracy Arc, Protectiveness, Suicidal Ideation, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, inhibitor chips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:20:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24374911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffNStuff/pseuds/FluffNStuff
Summary: Jareor(v.Mando'a) - To recklessly risk your life, act suicidally"I've known something was wrong since the moment you came back from that warehouse, so I'm going to find out what it is," Stone said it like a promise. Fox stared at hisvodin shock. That was a dangerous mindset for him to have. It could get him reconditioned. It could get himkilled. Fox wasn't going to let that happen.
Relationships: CC-1010 | Fox & CC-3636 | Wolffe, CC-1010 | Fox & CC-5869 | Stone
Comments: 78
Kudos: 274





	1. Confrontation

**Author's Note:**

> This fic started out small, it was only going to be a one-shot or two chapters at most. But in predictable fashion the idea of it has grown a lot bigger. I've never done a multichapter fic, so this may be a bit rough going to be honest. I'm actually interested in a beta reader if anyone wants to help with this idea? Feel free to message me! I'm @koyacyi-vode on tumblr, or you could comment here too. I have the draft up to 4 chapters at the moment. 
> 
> This fic contains subjects dealing with panic attacks, dissociation, and suicidal ideation, so please be aware of that if it is something you are not comfortable with. Tags will be added or edited when needed.
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! I read every one of them <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stone and Thire question Fox about his mental state after the warehouse and Fives' death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mando'a Translations for this chapter are in the end notes!

Fox heard his door open, but chose not to look up from the report he was skimming. He knew it was a _vod_ from the telltale creak of plastoid. And the subtle swish of durable fabric informed him that it was one of his high-ranking officers wearing their _kama._ He kept his eyes on his datapad as his brother walked a little further into the room. He recognized the gait. _Thire._ His fellow commander stayed silent for a few more seconds. 

" _Vod_ ," Thire's voice was soft, controlled. The men had been treating him like this for the past few days, like he was fragile and on the verge of a breakdown. It was irritating, even it was likely true. Not that Fox would ever admit that. Fox scrawled his signature on the datapad and picked up the next one without raising his head. Thire stayed silent, making it abundantly clear that Fox needed to look at him. Thire wasn't one of Fox's batchmates and was around 6 months younger than him, so he didn't know him well enough to be aware that that kind of tactic just made Fox more adamant to ignore him. 

Fox let Thire stew, and it didn't take long for his _vod_ to break from the silence. He stomped up to Fox's desk and snatched the datapad directly from Fox's hands and placed it out of reach. Fox blinked at his empty hands before turning his gaze finally up to the intrusion.

"Is there something I can do for you, Thire?" Fox asked, voice flat. Thire stared at him with open concern. He had the worst sabacc face in the entire Guard. 

Fox had the best.

"We're worried about you, _vod_ ," Thire finally said, looking uncomfortable. Fox let his eyebrows raise just enough to convey his incredulity. 'Worried' was an interesting way to phrase 'half of the Guard was scared of him'. Well, at least they were _more_ scared of him now.

"Noted. Is that all?" he asked, picking up a different data pad and scrolling through it. He did it to piss Thire off and it worked. Thire growled something and snatched this one out of his hands as well. 

"You're pretending everything is fine when it's not. It's not healthy. I _know_ you barely sleep and barely eat. You're going to get yourself killed if you keep going on like this," Thire accused. Fox felt a vein twitch in his forehead. A voice deep in the back of his head whispered _oh, but isn't that the point, vod?_

"Get a medic then," he growled, picking up a third data pad. He had a neverending supply of paperwork, so he could piss Thire off with this trick for as long as he needed. Thire bristled but didn't take the bait. 

"I just might," Thire murmured threateningly, eyes flashing. Fox kept his face an unimpressed blank slate. "But I think it would be better if you talk about it with me. Or Stone. I could even call Wolffe or Cody," Thire suggested, stepping around the side or the desk so he was standing in front of Fox's chair. Fox didn't appreciate Thire using his batchmates against him, but chose not to mention it, staring at his fellow Commander in silence. Thire waited for him to respond, the concern in his face becoming more and more prominent the longer Fox stayed quiet. "Fox, _gedet'ye vod_ , talk to me about the warehouse. About what happened with Fiv-" 

Fox saw red and he was up in an instant, slamming Thire into the wall with such force that several papers tacked to the wall fluttered down and the filing cabinet shook. His forearm pressed up tight against Thire's throat, blocking off his airway as he crowded into Thire's personal space. Thire scrambled against him choking, his arms snapping up to try and dislodge Fox's iron hold on him. 

"I'll tell you something, _vod'ika_ ," he sneered the affectionate term through his teeth. "There's nothing to kriffing _say._ I followed my orders. He died. It's over. That's it. Leave me alone," he growled. 

"Fox."

Fox whipped his head around at the sound of Stone's voice behind him, not letting up on Thire's throat even as the Commander was making increasingly desperate wheezing sounds. Stone must have heard the thud from his office next door. He wasn't Fox's batchmate either, but he may as well have been. They'd been decanted a few days after each other, and their squads had trained together often on Kamino. He was also the only Commander in the Guard that Fox would listen to when he was angry.

"Fox, let him go," Stone said, his voice characteristically hard and commanding. Fox sneered at Stone but backed off, letting Thire drop, his _vod_ coughing and gasping for breath. Stone closed the door behind him and then locked it. Fox tried not to feel trapped, but he was and so he was grudgingly impressed with Stone's intimidation techniques. "We need to talk," Stone said, his gaze steady on Fox's face. He reached in his belt and pulled out a scanner. 

Oh. So it was going to be _this_ kind of conversation. 

Stone scanned the entire room with the device, plucking small bugs and cameras from around the room and carefully putting them offline. Fox knew the room was bugged, it had been for years, he'd just never cared. That Stone thought that this conversation was important enough to blind and deafen whomever may be listening meant it was serious. Fox stayed next to the wall like a cornered animal. Stone knelt down next to Thire and helped the other Commander up, speaking softly to him. Stone eyed Fox with a warning as he eased Thire into Fox's chair. Fox said nothing about it. Stone turned back to him and crossed his arms. 

"You are _not_ okay," Stone said, and it was a statement. Fox's lip curled in annoyance, but he chose not to comment. "There's something you need to see," Stone rifled into his belt and pulled out a holodisc. He placed it on the desk between the three of them. Thire was rubbing at his neck and looking at the holodisc warily. "What I'm about to show you two can not leave this room," he said gravely, pressing buttons rapidly on the holoscreen. Stone had always been one of the best slicers in the Guard, second only to Fox himself, and Fox recognized his work. 

"You're breaching protocol," Fox reprimanded him, though his voice had lost most of its edge. Stone shot him a look and then shook his head. 

" _Fox'ika,_ we are well past protocol," he admonished. Fox bristled at the nickname, his frown deepening. Stone typed for a few more seconds before the holoscreen opened up to show several files. "There was a grievance charge pressed to you and the _Kaminiise_ ," Stone said and Fox felt his entire body stiffen. It was one thing for a grievance to be filed against him, _that_ he deserved. But something inside him recoiled at the fact that he was grouped with the aiwha-bait. "It was sealed. I actually had to get outside help to slice into it. I haven't seen all of it, just the beginning. I knew I needed to watch it with you," Stone hovered over the file.

"You were always too close to the RCs," Fox muttered under his breath. Stone, as usual, didn't look amused. 

"Actually, Ordo owed me a favor. So this is Jaing's work," he admitted. Fox flinched at the mention of the Null ARC troopers. "I couldn't have this slice connected back to the Guard, it's too dangerous."

"Asking the kriffing _Nulls_ for help is what's _dangerous_ ," Fox seethed. He and the Nulls had rather unflattering opinions of each other.

"Just because you don't trust them doesn't mean I can't use them," Stone pointed out. "Jaing is the best slicer in the GAR."

"They're insubordinate. Those _dini'la shabuir_ are practically AWOL as it is," Fox snapped. " _Kriff,_ Stone."

" _Ukor b'ukor,_ Fox. You've forced my hand,"Stone said, voice sharp. "I've known something was wrong since the moment you came back from that warehouse," Fox flinched, "so I'm going to find out what it is," Stone said it like a promise. Fox stared at his _vod_ in shock. That was a _dangerous_ mindset for him to have. It could get him reconditioned. It could get him _killed_. Fox wasn’t going to let that happen.

"I wasn't there in the warehouse that night, Fox _,_ " he murmured. Fox tensed, his limbs tingling like he needed to fight or run. "And you are thorough with your reports… usually," at that, Stone stood back and gave Fox an assessing look. Fox fidgeted, feeling the dual weight of his brothers' stares on him like they were vibroblades piercing into his skin. "Your last was rather barebones, _vod,"_ he said, the accusation going unsaid. Fox felt entirely cornered by Stone's level and determined stare, and he hated it. "Before we watch this, you are going to tell me in your own words what happened that night," he said, and it was an order. 

Fox wanted to rip into Stone for what could _technically_ count as insubordination. They all held the same title, but Fox was still the commanding officer of the entire Guard and the only one that was a permanent fixture on Coruscant. Stone, Thire, and Thorn were all part of the Diplomatic Service unit in rotation, so they would lead squads off-world to escort senators. Fox remained behind. But he couldn't reprimand Stone. Because he knew he was right. And getting defensive would just further solidify Stone's suspicion that something was wrong. 

He just really didn't want to face it.

Fox clenched his jaw and turned his head away from his _vod_ , unable to look them in the eye as he recounted the events of that night. 

"I was called directly to the Chancellor's office. There had been an assassination attempt by CT-" Fox shuddered, because _no_ , "by F-Fives. ARC Trooper Fives of the 501st. He went rogue and escaped and I was tasked with apprehending him with a team. I was told to use any force necessary, and that he was armed, extremely dangerous, and suffering from delusions or paranoia," Fox's voice took on a robotic quality as he spoke, his mind getting lost in the feelings and confusion of that night. He felt like he was missing something. The Chancellor had told him something else, something he as the Commander could only hear. But the memory felt like it was under murky, viscous water. A hazy feeling swept through him and he stumbled with the sudden dizziness, his shoulder hitting the wall. Distantly he sensed Stone take a concerned step forward but stop as Fox righted himself. Fox put a hand on his temple, feeling a tension headache rapidly forming. 

"We got a report from a probe droid that pointed us to the warehouse on Level 1325. I reported to the Chancellor and we were ordered to pursue. We approached the target..." Fox trailed off, the haziness becoming suffocating. "No. Wait. I… en route I told my men to… put their blasters on stun," a cold feeling spread through Fox's veins. "We put our blasters… on stun," he repeated. 

Fox's chest was suddenly far too tight, his vision darkening on the edges. He choked on his words with a full bodily shudder, biting his tongue, the metallic taste of blood flooding his mouth. He let out a pained little sound and collapsed to his knees. There was a roaring in his ears, a voice in his head that was his but wasn't. The world spun around him, going in and out of darkness.

He heard Stone shout, but it was like he was submerged underwater, the sound far away and muffled. He felt a hand grab his arm and he flinched, lashing out with the heel of his palm and scrambling out of the way. He heard Stone curse vehemently, but couldn't place the words. There was more shouting, and Fox felt more hands on him, holding him down as he fought back, but it felt like his body was moving in slow motion. 

" _Fox'ika,_ _gedet'ye, yaimpar at mhi,"_ Stone's desperate voice cut through, sounding a little closer. 

Then it all stilled. 

"I followed orders and terminated the traitor," Fox said, voice flat and a thousand miles away. 

" _Fox'ika…"_ Stone's voice had a strange quality to it that Fox hadn't heard before. 

Slowly, the world came more into focus. First, Fox noticed that both Stone and Thire were holding him down, Stone practically on top of him holding his arms in a strong double grip above Fox's head. Thire had thrown himself over Fox's legs. Then he heard his own labored wheezing mixed with Stone's heavy breaths. His vision cleared, and Stone's face came into view over him. Fox jolted when he realized that Stone was _crying._ Fox wriggled uselessly, uncomfortable and wanting to get free and _away_. 

"Get'fff," he slurred, his tongue feeling wrong in his mouth. Stone startled, his face going slack and vulnerable at Fox's lucidity. Fox was disturbed by the look on Stone's face, since he hadn't seen that expression since Stone had lost all of his batchmates to reconditioning a few years into their training. He belatedly noticed the blood running from Stone's nose, which he dumbly realized was probably from him blindly striking out. 

Stone hesitated a few moments, clearly wary of letting Fox go in case Fox was going to take another swing at him.

" _Ston'ika, ni cuy'jate_. Let me up," he assured, though he was mumbling most of his words. Stone visibly swallowed before lessening his deathgrip on Fox's wrists. Fox lowered his arms, rolling his shoulders a bit at the ache. Thire unplastered himself from Fox's legs. 

" _Vod'ika,"_ Stone stayed close as Fox rearranged himself on the floor more comfortably, looking at his wrists as he rubbed at them absently, still somewhat feeling Stone's tight grip. "Fox, what the kriff was that?" Stone's voice was quiet and shaky, he looked scared. It was disconcerting. Stone was unshakeable. 

"I don't… I don't know," Fox whispered, he was now almost fully lucid, but was still experiencing aftershocks and shaking visibly. He bit his lip and tensed his muscles, trying to still the movements, but was unsuccessful and just ended up jerking in place. 

  
"Thire, _kriff_ , Thire get a medic," Stone choked. Thire scrambled to his feet and ran nearly face-first into the door, forgetting that it had been locked, before he threw it open and ran from the room. Stone's hands shook as he cupped Fox's face. " _Udessi, Fox'ika_ , it will be okay," he murmured. Fox felt tired, he didn't even have the energy to stubbornly bat Stone's hands away. So he let Stone whisper assurances at him as he shuddered and the world went dark once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **_Mando'a_ Translations:**
> 
> _Kama_ \- belt-spat (a heavy-duty leg covering), a symbol of high-rank and/or skill  
>  _Vod(e)_ \- brother(s)  
>  _Gedet'ye_ \- please  
>  _(Proper noun)'ika_ \- affectionate or diminutive suffix  
>  _Kaminii(se)_ \- Kaminoan(s)  
>  _Dini'la_ \- insane (impolite)  
>  _Shabuir_ \- extreme insult (jerk, but much stronger) (impolite)  
>  _Ukor b'ukor_ \- force to make a decision (lit. when push comes to shove)  
>  _Yaimpar at mhi_ \- Come back to us (lit. return to us)  
>  _Ni cuy'jate_ \- I'm fine  
>  _Udessi_ \- Easy, stay calm
> 
> Also! I made a brand new sideblog on tumblr, since my main is getting a bit uh, out of control with it. I'll also post updates or answer questions about this fic or can take prompts on it so come say hi if you want! It's @koyacyi-vode


	2. Relapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fox and Stone have a discussion about Fox's recklessness, but he doesn't get to rest long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally my chapters were going to be around 2,500 words each, but I decided that I wanted them to be longer, so I'm combining some of them together where I can. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your lovely comments and the kudos!! I'm really happy you guys are excited about this story!! Come say hi to me on tumblr @koyacyi-vode I like to ramble about my writing thoughts :D

Fox woke in a groggy haze. He was in the medbay, a thin white sheet over his chest and he had a splitting headache. One of the medics had taken his armor off so he was in his blacks, much to his distaste. He was hooked to an IV with an amber liquid slowly dripping into it.

"Fox," Stone's voice surprised him and Fox barely hid his jump. He turned slowly to see Stone sitting in the uncomfortable plastoid chair next to his bed, looking a little worse for wear.

"You're on duty," Fox reprimanded, his voice sluggish and hoarse. Just because he was in the medbay didn't mean he had forgotten the intricate schedules his men followed. Stone was staring at him. His eyes were darker than the standard clone, a deep brown that often looked black. It unnerved most of the shinies. Stone was hunched slightly over, his hands clasped in front of his face so Fox couldn't see the entirety of his expression.

"Surge reckons you were awake for over 72 hours. That you hadn't eaten more than a meal's worth in several days. And he also said you had several injuries that were untreated," it sounded like an accusation, and knowing Stone, it was. Stone's expression was dark and angry. Fox met his glare head-on. 

"What do you want me to say?" he demanded, but it sounded defensive even to his own ears. 

"I don't want you to say anything. I want to know  _ why _ ," Stone said, his calm voice underscored by the burning anger in his eyes. Fox stared at his  _ vod _ unblinking. Stone's eyes narrowed and something dark settled in his expression; it was understanding. Fox was trying to get himself killed.

It wasn't the first time Fox had done something like this. Stone knew, and so did Cody and Wolffe. His  _ vode _ had hidden his issues for years. They would have gotten him reconditioned had the  _ kaminiise _ discovered the almost strategic planning that went into his self-destructive habits. He wouldn't do it himself, but he allowed himself to reach a point where it was more possible for a stray shot or mistake to do it for him. It was a long, methodical process. It had nearly been a success a few times.

It was fucked up. 

Stone cursed sharply under his breath and leaned back in his chair, looking away from Fox, his jaw tense. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest defensively. 

"Why?" Stone's voice was thick with emotion and it made something plummet in Fox's chest. 

"You know why," Fox whispered hoarsely. Stone's gaze snapped back to him, eyes glassy with tears but still very,  _ very _ angry. Fox couldn't say why, he never could. His  _ vod _ usually had to put the pieces together on their own. But he'd always been plagued by guilt. 

Guilt for the batchmate he couldn't save during their first live-fire training who had died in his arms. They'd been 10 at the time. The practice was phased out eventually, but not soon enough. 

Guilt for the headstrong batchmate who asked too many questions, was too curious, too honest, too argumentative, and was one day never seen again. Fox, Cody, and Wolffe had been the only three of their squad to make it to the actual war. But they were one of the luckier squads. It didn't make it easier.

Guilt for his transfer. The only part of the front lines he had been in was Geonosis. He'd done well, been noticed by his superiors. He wished he hadn't, because now he was in the Guard stuck on Coruscant while his closest brothers fought and died on the battlefield. He couldn't protect them here. 

Guilt for every brother in his Guard killed. Because even though he was with them he still couldn't always save them. He had to arrange for their remembrances himself. There was no mourning for Republic property. 

He felt guilt for losing himself. The slow unraveling. He knew something was wrong. He didn't know what. But it was  _ wrong _ . And it was becoming more wrong by the day. Like a darkness creeping up and encompassing his mind. He lost a lot of time these days. He was terrified of what that meant. He didn't know when he would fall asleep and never come back to himself.

And he felt guilt for Fives. All of his other failings bled into one regret. Because he had set his blaster to  _ stun _ . They all had set their blasters to stun. He'd checked, and double checked, and triple checked and more than once had felt a chill up his spine when he had to force the dial back. It was on  _ stun _ . He'd aimed for the chest, because stun blasts were better with more surface area. It would have been a textbook subdue and apprehend, and they would have gotten their brother help. And he had fired.

And his blaster was not on  _ stun _ . 

Not only could he not protect his  _ vod _ , but he had killed him with his own hands. And he had no explanation. His memory of the entire night was hazy at best. Clones had above average memory, more so for Command units like himself. He shouldn't have  _ gaps _ in his memory at all.

Fox knew in the back of his mind that he should have been reconditioned years ago. That kind of variant behavior was more than enough for the  _ kaminiise _ to order it. But his  _ vode _ had been fiercely protective of his secret. He didn't deserve their kindness and loyalty. 

_ "Osi'kyr, Fox'ika _ … I thought we were done with this," Stone murmured. Fox gave his  _ vod _ a pitying look. Because in their line of work it wasn't exactly a feeling that went away. 

But it was a bit different, this time around. The guilt was still there, but there was a hum of  _ something is wrong _ that buzzed in the back of his head. Trying to talk about Fives had triggered something different in him, something that wasn't in his control. It was like his body had shut down to avoid it. He'd had panic attacks, but not like that.

"I don't think what happened earlier was entirely from fatigue," he admitted, voice quiet. The medbay was mostly clear except for a shiny on the other side of the room who had taken a hit to the head from a thug on the lower levels. Stone's eyebrows drew together, a look of wary curiosity passing over his face. 

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I-" Fox was cut off by the medbay doors hissing open. Surge approached them, engrossed in a datapad. 

"Good, you're awake," he addressed without looking at them. He scrolled a little further in his datapad. "I don't like seeing you in here for this kind of thing, Fox." Surge had always been rather informal, though Fox supposed that was the life of a medic. When seconds were what separated a man from life and death, too much wasted time on semantics got people killed. Practicality outweighed hierarchy. When Fox didn't respond Surge's eyes flicked up to him imploringly. He glanced at Stone, but he was locked up, face impassive. Though Fox had a suspicion that beneath his blank expression Stone was reeling. 

Surge sighed impatiently. "Look, I know you don't talk about it. But this has happened a few times. And I know you are smarter than this. I won't force you to tell me why you continue to run yourself into the ground, but I can spot a pattern," Surge said, causing a flare of panic to ignite in Fox's chest. Surge must have seen something on Fox's face because he frowned sadly. He sighed again and picked up the datapad at the foot of Fox's cot.

"We sedated you. Your sleep is restless, even though it  _ shouldn't _ be with how long you must have been awake," Surge made an annoyed face like it bothered him personally. He tapped idly at his datapad. "And I'm limiting your access to stims," he said carefully. Fox dutifully ignored the daggers Stone was glaring at him. "You kept yourself awake with them. You keep doing that and you'll damage your kriffing heart and nervous system. I'm allowing you to have two in your possession, for emergency use only. And never the same day. When you're tired, you  _ sleep _ ," Surge's voice left no room for debate. Fox closed his eyes briefly in shame and turned away from both of them. "It's okay, Commander," Surge sighed after a few moments, "just don't do it again."

"Other than that, you've lost weight and nutrients," he segued smoothly, pointing briefly at the IV bag. "That'll help with the nutrients, but you'll have to gain the weight back again with a structured meal plan. We can discuss that later and get it requisitioned," Surge paused, chewing on his lip as he gave Fox a long, hesitant look before walking to the side of the cot opposite Stone and twirled a chair around and sank into it. 

"I would like to talk about yesterday, Commander," he said, voice soft and wary. The medics were aware that Fox was essentially an emotional brick wall, and getting him to talk was like wrestling a Wookie. It made them understandably hesitant to broach the subject unless they had to. 

"You would, wouldn't you," Fox's mouth said before his  _ di'kutla _ brain had time to catch up. It was a defense mechanism, but judging from the annoyed sigh behind him and the unimpressed single eyebrow raise, neither Stone or Surge were amused at his deflection. Surge looked down to his datapad, scrolling and then reading for a few moments. 

"According to Stone and Thire's reports, you appeared to have experienced a severe panic attack and a dissociative state," he stated, his voice clinical in that way that Fox despised. Fox fidgeted in his bed, wanting nothing more to just leave.

"You can call it that," Fox said grudgingly. Surge's eyebrow raised a little higher. He glanced past Fox, most likely having a silent conversation with Stone through eye contact. Fox found it annoying, but he didn't rebuke them because then at least  _ he _ didn't have to talk. Surge looked back to him, the tiny frown on his face deepening. 

"What would  _ you _ call it?" he implored. Fox berated himself inwardly for giving the medic that opening. 

"I don't know, you're the medic," he gritted out evasively. Surge's expression flattened in irritation, but then he composed himself again. He was used to Fox's defensive barbed jabs. 

"Have you experienced panic attacks or dissociation before?" he asked instead, scrolling through his datapad and probably looking for the answer in Fox's medical history himself. Fox gripped the sheet on his cot.

"Yes," he gritted out. 

"Both?" Surge glanced up at him, finger hovering over his datapad where he had left off. 

"Yes."

"How often would you say you experience them?" Surge continued scrolling, not making eye contact. Fox figured that was for his benefit, since Surge knew he loathed talking about this. 

"Every few weeks at least. Increasing frequency," he muttered. He fidgeted with the sheet, wringing it between his hands. Surge paused, gave Fox a hard stare, and then looked back down at the datapad with barely-contained irritation. Fox assumed it was because Surge saw no indication of such frequent episodes in his charts. Meaning Fox had been hiding them for years. Surge probably thought he'd failed him. 

"Do you know what triggered this particular attack?" Surge asked, his face a mask. Fox's chest tightened and he inhaled sharply. Flashes of plastoid armor, a burning hole, a blaster set to stun, an encroaching and suffocating darkness.  _ Fives, Fives, Fives _ .

" _ Yes _ ," Fox's voice came out hoarse. Surge watched him, probably waiting for Fox to continue. He couldn't. Surge's expression cleared up in recognition and he nodded slowly, lips pressed flat together.

"Okay," he said softly. "I have some reading I can give you. If you work at it, it will get better," Surge stood from his seat. "You can be discharged in a few hours. Get some more rest." Surge nodded stiffly at them, before turning back to the rest of the room and walking towards the injured shiny. Fox was disturbed by Surge's concerned reaction. The medic wasn't exactly the soft and compassionate type. 

Fox sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. His headache was getting worse. 

" _ Vod _ , are you alright?" Stone asked quietly. 

"I'm not going to answer that question," Fox grumbled. He turned back towards Stone, his head swimming at the motion. Stone looked like he wanted to say more, but then his datapad beeped. Fox saw the tiny clench in Stone's jaw as he scanned the message. 

"You have a summons from the Supreme Chancellor," he explained, expression tight as he handed the datapad to him. Fox went numb. 

"Oh."

"You have half an hour," Stone said, looking irritated. Fox couldn't refuse a summons from the Supreme Chancellor, but Stone didn't look pleased that Fox had to go back to work so soon.

" _ Udessi, Ston'ika _ ," Fox sighed, pushing himself up on his elbows. He handed Stone's datapad back to him. Then he swung his legs over the edge of the cot and fiddled with the needle in his arm. "Where's my armor?"

"In your office," Stone said unhappily, his eyes flicked up, noticing something, and a moment later Fox heard Surge's angry approach.

"What are you doing?" Surge demanded, gripping Fox's shoulder like that was any way to stop him. 

"My job," Fox grit out, shrugging off Surge's hand, the headache making his temper flare even stronger than usual.

"Like  _ osik _ you are!" Surge snarled. "You are  _ not _ discharged from this medbay, Commander," he insisted. 

"Stand down, Sergeant," Stone said, resigned. He left no room for debate. Surge swung a betrayed look at the Commander. 

"Sir-" he protested, looking between Stone and Fox desperately. "Sir, he's not fit for duty. Commander Fox needs more rest," he pleaded. Stone's frown deepened. 

"Stand down," he repeated. Fox stood up and wobbled. Stone stepped in to catch him but Fox shot him a reproachful look and he backed off. 

"Thank you, Sergeant," he murmured to Surge, pushing past both of them and into the hallway alone.

Fox walked back to his office with his back straight and head held high, arms clasped behind his back. He was the lead Commander of the Coruscant Guard, and the rank-and-file could not see him showing weakness. He could endure locking down his dizziness for them. 

He kitted up in a daze, at one point putting his bracer on the wrong arm. He grumbled quiet curses the entire time. He holstered his twin DC-17 hand blasters and stalked out of his office. The troopers gave him a wide berth, which only worsened his mood. 

Fox had always been slightly apart from the rest of the Guard, aside from his other Commanders. He always figured it was because of his rank. But he was also aware that Thorn and Thire had closer relationships to the men than he did. Stone did to a lesser extent but that's because he was an absolute killjoy. Fox hated being an outsider among his own  _ vode _ . It hurt more than he ever would admit. 

He made it as far as the speeder bay without issue when he saw Pit Stop leaning against his speeder. Fox scowled. He was going to wring Stone's neck for this. He approached the pilot, crossed his arms and tilted his head.

"Sir," Pit Stop greeted nonchalantly, unphased by Fox's aggressive stance. He was notably leaning against the cockpit latch. 

"I can fly myself, Lieutenant," Fox snapped, straight to the point. 

"I've got orders from Stone, Sir," Pit Stop countered, still relaxed. His customized pilot's helmet had a stylized martini glass with a Twi'lek woman lounging in it painted to the side. If it weren't for his skill Fox would have never allowed him to be promoted. Fox ground his teeth and looked away from the easygoing pilot. He was one of Stone's best men, but he somehow always managed to piss Fox off. 

"Well belay it," Fox ground out. "Get out of my way, Lieutenant," he ordered.

"He said you'd say that," Pit Stop said and Fox could almost  _ hear  _ the smirk on his face, hidden under his  _ buy'ce _ . 

"I don't care. You're wasting my time," Fox stepped forward into Pit Stop's personal space. Pit Stop didn't back down, just tilted his head back a bit to meet him face-on. 

"He also said you haven't slept more than six hours in four days. Regulations state you're not fit to fly, Commander," Pit Stop said with far too much cheer and Fox knew the  _ besom _ had won. He physically calmed himself, exhaling slowly through his nose and looking to the sky for mercy. He turned tight on his heel and stalked around to the other side of the speeder. He ignored the triumphant little 'hah!' that Pit Stop laughed. If he didn't he'd probably smack the Lieutenant back to Kamino.

"Since when do you quote regulations?" he snarled as Pit Stop opened the hatch and they piled in. Fox crossed his arms and glared out the window as Pit Stop initiated the start-up sequence with relaxed ease. 

"Since Commander Stone told me to use them against you," Pit Stop said amicably, pulling out of the hangar quick and precise. Fox scowled, annoyed that Stone had that kind of contingency planned for him.

Fox let his head drop back to the seat, sighing. He checked his chronometer. He still had 20 minutes until he was expected, and it would take half that to reach the senate building. His headache felt like it was jamming a vibroblade into his skull. The vast city sped by underneath them. Fox knocked his head against the glass and watched the small line of speeders they passed in the lane below. 

Pit Stop was at least socially aware enough not to try and make small talk with him. He whipped through traffic in tight, practiced motions. Normally Fox would reprimand him for some of his more borderline illegal maneuvers. But he chose to focus on reigning in his sudden nausea. Fox was going to have to talk to Stone about Pit Stop instead. At some point. He couldn't have one of the Guard pilots flying around like some  _ dinii _ . 

Mercifully, they landed and Fox was out of the cockpit before it even stopped moving, Pit Stop shouting something after him. He stumbled a bit ungracefully, but the only other people around were the senate guards and they would have to be on fire for him to care. 

Pit Stop came around from the other side, pulling out a spanner from somewhere in his belt. Fox paused in the middle of turning around to enter the senate offices. 

"What are you doing?" he asked, irritated but not surprised. 

"If I'm going to be waiting for you for an indeterminate amount of time, I may as well tune up your speeder," Pit Stop said, twirling the spanner expertly between his fingers and crouching down to pry open the access plate. Fox wanted to fling himself off of the top of the senate building. 

"Don't break my speeder, Lieutenant," he warned icily. He heard Pit Stop scoff behind him as he walked away. As much as Pit Stop grated on Fox's negligible sanity, it was at least better to be scoffed at than to be looked at like he might explode like some of the other men. 

He approached the two senate guards. They were standing stiff as durasteel, their knees locked. Idly, Fox wondered if the  _ elite _ boys in blue knew how easy it was to break their kneecaps because of that stance. The Guard and the Senate guards had always had an antagonistic relationship with each other. The Senate guards being offended when Guard shock troopers were assigned to Senate cases, because how  _ dare  _ a clone be considered for that. And the Guard responded in kind by taking any and every opportunity to take shots at their lack of any identifiable skill. Fox never participated in the name-calling himself, as a Commander he didn't get that luxury, even if he agreed with it. He had to maintain some semblance of professionalism. 

The Senate guards turned slightly to him, the stiffness made Fox smirk inside his helmet for no reason other than pettiness. 

"You have a summons, clone?" one of the guards said, adjusting his grip on his force pike. Fox briefly considered shoving his vibroblade through the  _ di'kutla _ visor slit in their helmets. Cody had always called it the 'stab me here' helmet. Fox stared directly at the guard as he tapped several times on his datapad and handed it over. The guard looked it over and then handed it back. 

"Go on, then," the guard said, letting him through. Fox wanted to spit at him to get his eyes checked if he couldn't tell a standard shock trooper from a clone Commander, but he supposed it wouldn't do any good. He snatched his datapad back a little forcefully and walked through the doors. 

Privately, Fox loathed the entire senate district. Actually, he hated senators. The vast majority of them were insufferably arrogant and self-entitled. He disliked politics on a fundamental level, their foundations steeped in corruption and manipulation. Just because he worked for them didn't mean he had non-functioning eyes and ears. The Guard contained some of the most highly skilled and decorated soldiers in the GAR. Fox would be lying if he considered their skills wasted guarding senators, even if it was important. But perhaps that was just him being bitter. Thankfully, senate duty was not the Guard's biggest responsibility. 

What he disliked the most about the senate district was that it made him feel uneasy. He felt safer chasing down violent criminals in the underbelly of the city. At least there he had his men at his back watching his six. In the senate buildings he was usually alone. 

Fox never allowed his opinions on the Republic senate to show. He knew his priorities. He was a soldier of the Republic first, and that was his duty. His duty was to serve. He knew his priorities, but that didn't mean that he didn't recognize them changing. 

The Coruscant Guard was assumed by many to harbor more intense loyalty to the Republic, and less loyalty to their  _ vode _ . Even other clones made that opinion clear when Fox's men had to intervene with their antics at 79's. But the Guard was trained the same as any other clone, those with particularly quick reaction time and skill given a metaphorical ‘check mark’. It was only their assignment that was different, and additional specialist training like K9 and riot force when needed. And Fox and his fellow Commanders were given ARC training with Alpha-17 just the same as the Commanders of infantry battalions. The Commanders of the Guard were just as independent and free-thinking as the rest of their brothers. And just as fiercely protective and loyal to their  _ vode. _

They were just better at hiding their opinions.

It was a necessity. If any of the Guard, particularly the Commanders of the Guard, were suspected to be anything less than unflinchingly loyal, then they were in danger. Ironically, it made the Guard the most proficient at deception in almost all of the GAR. 

While walking through the senate offices, Fox was nearly invisible. The presence of the Guard in the senate district became increasingly frequent as the war drew on. Clones in general were overlooked, unless their presence was unexpected. He wasn't addressed until he reached the entrance to the Chancellor's offices. It had a turbolift that led to the main galley which led into the actual office. Fox had previously done the math and discovered he could fit his entire office into the turbolift alone. He had his datapad ready to go by the time he reached the senate guards and shoved it in the closest one's face. The guard gave him a disgruntled look. Fox sneered childishly at him from under his helmet. 

The Chancellor kept him waiting for nearly 20 minutes past the arranged time. Fox tapped his foot impatiently inside his boot, but didn't let the motion show outwardly. His headache was pulsing in his skull. Finally, the ornate double doors to the Chancellor's office opened. Fox straightened, ready to walk in, but froze when he noticed who was leaving the office. Nala Se and Senator Burtoni strode through with the signature Kaminoan slow-motion walk. Senator Burtoni narrowed her eyes at him and continued on, but Nala Se slowed to a complete stop and inclined her head to him.

"CC-1010," she greeted with the drawn out and inflectionless way that had always whittled down Fox's patience. "I would like to personally thank you for your integral part in successfully subduing the rogue asset CT-27-5555," she bowed her head politely. Fox couldn't breathe, let alone respond to her. He jerked his head in a semblance of a nod. Nala Se blinked languidly and then nodded to him before turning to meet Senator Burtoni further down the hall. Fox relaxed minutely when the Kaminoans disappeared around the corner.

"Ah, Commander Fox, do come in." Fox couldn't quite smother his jump at the Chancellor's sudden appearance at the doorway. Fox's legs moved on their own accord, taking him into the spacious room. The Chancellor strode gracefully through his office and sat down at his desk, steepling his hands. 

Fox numbly stepped forward, stopping several feet from the Chancellor's desk, removed his helmet and snapped to parade rest. 

"Good afternoon, Commander," the Chancellor greeted pleasantly. A familiar shiver ran down Fox's spine but he grit his teeth to not let it show. 

"Chancellor," he returned with a sharp nod. Anxiety thrummed just under the surface of his skin. He wasn't even sure why. Fox blamed his chronic lack of sleep and shoved it in a box to be examined never. That was the safer option to take when it came to a man with as much power as the Chancellor. He was possibly the only person Fox truly feared. 

"I must commend you for your heroic actions the other day, Commander. You did the right thing. That clone was extremely dangerous. Leaving him alive would have been," the Chancellor took a thoughtful pause, "too much of a risk," he finished with a solemn shake of his head.

"Thank you… Sir," Fox said, stilted and feeling nauseous. Fox didn't like compliments in the first place, and getting one from the Chancellor for his biggest failure was privately mortifying. 

"You are a highly capable soldier, Commander. I feel very assured with you leading the Guard in our great city," the Chancellor smiled. The pain in Fox's head  _ burned.  _ "Actually, Commander, I called you here because I have a clandestine mission for you. You are the only man whom I feel is up to the task."

"I won't let you down, Sir," Fox assured, because it was the only thing he could say. 

"Good," the Chancellor drew out the word, the smile still on his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I absolutely named one of my clone OCs Sergeant Surge because I find it hilarious. Also, sorry if you happen to like the senate guard, but I very much enjoy making fun of them for some reason.
> 
>  ** _Mando'a_ Translations:**  
> I’ll be repeating translations just in case!
> 
>  _Vod(e)_ \- brother(s)  
>  _Kaminii(se)_ \- Kaminoan(s)  
>  _Osi'kyr_ \- strong exclamation of surprise or dismay  
>  _(proper noun)'ika_ \- affectionate or diminutive suffix  
>  _Di'kutla_ \- idiotic, stupid (impolite)  
>  _Udessi_ \- Easy, calm down  
>  _Osik_ \- dung (impolite)  
>  _Buy'ce_ \- helmet  
>  _Besom_ \- ill-mannered lout, unhygienic person, someone with no manners (in Mandalorian terms)  
>  _Dinii_ \- lunatic


	3. Grievance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fox returns from the Chancellor's mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the grievance report! Slight spoilers for Season 7 Episode 11 of The Clone Wars!
> 
> Thank you guys for all your lovely comments!! I feel a bit bad for constantly throwing Fox in the medbay ahaha. As always, Mando'a translations are at the bottom, and come say hi to me on tumblr @koyacyi-vode!

The sound of a door hissing open was like a bullet, and Fox came back to himself with a jolt. He was at the entrance to the Guard barracks, standing dumbly in front of the open door. The sky outside was dark.

_What?_

There was a startled gasp from somewhere in front of him. Fox's head snapped to the shiny who had stopped dead in his tracks. The shiny took a step back at Fox's sudden movement, his head tilting up and down nervously, like he wasn't sure what to focus on. He spilled a bit of his cup of caf on the ground. 

"C-Commander?" he whispered, voice high-pitched and scared. "Sir, are y- are you all right?" 

Fox staggered dizzily, bracing one hand on the doorway. The shiny whimpered and jumped nervously at his movement again. Fox wasn't entirely focused but the reaction was pissing him off. Mostly because he didn't know _why_. Did he really scare them that much?

"I should… kriff, what should I…" the shiny was muttering to himself nonsensically. _Enough of this._ Fox growled something in his throat that was probably supposed to be a word and started walking forward, intending to leave the shiny alone to his babbling. His head was _killing_ him. 

The caf cup shattered on the ground as the shiny _cowered._

Fox stilled. His senses came back all at once and he became very aware of several things. 

  1. His ankle was either very sprained or broken.
  2. He was holding his vibroblade in a white-knuckled grip.
  3. He was covered in blood. 
  4. He couldn't tell if the blood was his or someone else's.



Fox's grip went slack in stiff increments and the vibroblade clattered to the ground, making the shiny wince. The pain he had been too numb to feel blossomed and spread through his entire body, becoming more intense with each tense second that passed. Fox swayed. 

"Get Surge."

The last thing he heard was the shiny sprinting down the hall yelling for a medic before it all went black. 

\---

When Fox awoke, he was almost completely numb. Someone was a little generous with the painkillers, but he couldn't complain. His limbs started to tingle as he gained consciousness. Fox groaned and tried to get up, but a firm hand on his chest held him down. 

"Don't even try it," Surge's authoritative voice washed over him. Fox turned his head to the noise, wincing with how it made the world around him blur. "You're not getting out of this bed until I let you," he warned. 

"What do you remember, Fox?" That was Thire, but Surge wouldn't let Fox twist far enough to see the Commander. 

"You get my knife?" he asked instead. Deflecting again. 

"It's in evidence," Thire retorted flatly, unamused. Fox grinned, though he didn't find any of this funny. In fact he was feeling a bit manic. "What do you remember?" Thire repeated.

_"Naasad,"_ Fox breathed, voice wet and choked, the manic feeling dissolving into hopelessness. "I think… it was confidential," he added unconvincingly.

"You _think_?" Thire asked, an odd mixture of concern and incredulity in his voice. Fox shrugged and it hurt. Thire went quiet and Fox didn't know what else to say. The last thing he remembered was being summoned to the Chancellor's office. Something must have happened on his mission, maybe. He didn't want to think about what else it could be. 

"Fox, you were missing for 18 hours," Surge said over the tense silence. "And then you showed back up, covered in blood that wasn't all yours, heavily injured and no memory of where you were," Surge's voice was calm and collected, but only because he was a professional. Fox didn't know how to respond to that, so he stayed silent, swallowing over the sudden lump in his throat at the blunt reminder that he was probably losing his mind.

"Where's Stone?" he asked instead.

"Tracing your steps, trying to find out just what the _kriff_ happened to you," said Thire, a bit more heat to his voice. 

_No._

Fox shot up so fast that Surge nearly fell in his attempt to stop him. His body _screamed_ in protest but he ignored it with sheer will and adrenaline. Surge shouted at him, but Fox was already stumbling out of the cot, the IV bag toppling to the ground as he lunged for Thire, grabbing him by the seams of his chest plate. Thire's eyes were wide in alarm, but he didn't try to dislodge Fox.

"Call. Him. Off," Fox ordered as Surge tried to pry him away. "Call him off, Thire. _Ibac cuyir ke'gyce_ , _tayli'bac?_ " the frantic energy was overwhelming him, every cell in his body was telling him to _get Stone out._ Surge said something that finally snapped Thire out of his shock, and together they wrestled Fox back into his cot. 

"Do I need to strap him down?" Surge asked no one in particular, struggling to keep Fox still as his panic overwhelmed him. 

"Not if I listen to him," Thire said decisively and he started speaking rapidly into his wristcom. At the far away metallic sound of Stone confirming his retreat, Fox finally felt some of the tension seep from his body. The pain of his sudden movements hit, but he stubbornly grit his teeth against it. Surge watched him with bewilderment, breathing heavily. The medic shook his head to focus, and readjusted Fox's sheets. He lifted the top of Fox's blacks to reveal a large bacta bandage on his side and gave Fox a pointed look before peeling back the bandage to check if his stitches had pulled. Fox didn't even know he _had_ stitches. 

"You wanna explain what that was, Fox?" Thire asked, he sounded tired and worried. Fox inhaled sharply and exhaled in a burst.

"I will _not_ allow Stone to be killed from my mistakes," Fox spat, the anger resurfacing. "Whatever it is I am involved in, I want him far away from it. He's already too close," he let out a string of curses and fell back fully onto the cot. Whatever this was, he was steadily losing his control, and it terrified him to his core. Surge cursed softly, irritated with Fox for moving around so much. Fox covered his face with his forearms, even though the motion caused a sharp tug in his side, and he just tried to relax his breathing. 

The door hissed open from the other side of the room. Fox heard Surge and Thire move towards whoever it was, but he was on the precipice of truly breaking down and he couldn't look. 

"Glad you could make it," Thire said quietly to the newcomer. The three exchanged a few more soft words before the door swished again and the room went silent apart from the newcomer's quiet approach. 

" _Su cuy'gar,_ Fox _…_ mostly." Fox jolted at the familiar voice - it hurt, and he slowly lowered his arms.

" _Wolf'ika…_ " Fox's voice broke on his batchmate's name. Wolffe sat down on the side of Fox's cot. "W-what are you doing here?" Fox reached for his _vod_ like he wasn't sure he was really there and Wolffe grasped him firmly by his forearm. "I thought you were underway to Oba Diah." 

"We were resupplying before we disembarked. _Plo'buir_ allowed me to come here before we set off. I can't stay long," Wolffe explained quietly. His lips quirked up in a smirk. "Hm, your gray hairs are getting worse," Wolffe said, running his hand through Fox's hair affectionately. 

"I have a stressful job," Fox grumbled. His batchmates teased him incessantly at his premature graying. Fox always threatened to retaliate by dyeing their hair gray in the middle of the night when they were on leave next, but never got around to it. Wolffe's lips flattened unhappily and he nodded, choosing not to tease this time.

"Tell me what happened, _vod'ika_ ," he squeezed Fox's hand. Fox choked, overwhelmed. 

"Who told you?" he asked, voice strained and quiet. 

"Stone. He commed me days ago because he was worried. Looks like he had a reason to be," Wolffe said with a raised eyebrow. He set his _buy'ce_ carefully on the chair and looked Fox up and down like he was assessing his injuries. "Commed me again a few hours ago and I was close enough to make a detour," he explained. "Be grateful Cody is en route to the Outer Rim and couldn't make it, because I know Stone contacted him too," Wolffe said, a tiny twitch in the corner of his mouth the only indication he was hiding a smirk. Fox suppressed a shudder because Cody was _merciless_. Fox took several seconds to try and steady himself. 

"I don't know where to start, _"_ he admitted, voice small. Wolffe hummed, frowning at him before pushing at Fox's side.

"Move over," he ordered. Fox scowled at his _vod_.

"We're not _cadets_ ," he whined, trying to ignore the petulant tone in his voice. Wolffe rolled his eyes but continued to push Fox to the side before climbing next to him in full armor. It was a tight fit and Wolffe had to be curled on his side. 

" _Jorhaa'ir,"_ Wolffe demanded gruffly, his cheek resting on Fox's shoulder. Fox swallowed the lump in his throat and turned his head away from him, looking at the wall. 

"There's something wrong with me," he murmured, scared to say it out loud. 

"We knew that when you were decanted, _di'kut,_ " Wolffe snorted and then knocked his head against Fox's shoulder in apology when he felt Fox stiffen to yell at him. Fox settled back but was still annoyed at the jab. "Be more specific," Wolffe urged, voice quiet and serious, jokes put aside. Fox exhaled slowly and it was much less controlled than he would have liked.

"I'm losing time. A lot of time. There are gaps in my memory where I have no idea where I was or what I was doing," Fox whispered, his voice urgent and pained. "I ca- can't explain so many of my actions lately, _Wolf'ika_. I don't feel like myself," Fox shuddered, feeling cold all over. He reached blindly for Wolffe's hand, squeezing his eyes shut to try to keep the panic at bay. "I think I'm losing my mind." That admission was the final straw and Fox _broke_. 

Fox never let his guard down for anyone but his batchmates. Not even Stone saw this side of him. He kept the fear, the insecurity, the loneliness locked so deep that it was almost like those emotions didn't exist in him. But he couldn't hide from his batchmate, he couldn't hide from Wolffe. His presence pierced through _every_ one of Fox's safeguards like an anti-armor round. It boiled up and over the surface and overwhelmed him completely and Fox's voice cracked in a shuddering sob. Wolffe held Fox together as he fell apart, whispering assurances in _Mando'a_ and keeping a watchful eye on the doorway to guard Fox's privacy against unwelcome intrusions. 

" _Ibac cuyir bic,"_ Wolffe murmured. Fox was vaguely aware that this was the most gentle he had ever seen his batchmate, which was an unfortunate indication to how _osik'la_ the whole situation was. Fox clutched desperately to his _vod_ , unable to let him go because Wolffe was all that was keeping him together. Fox's breathing was short and stuttered and painful, like there was glass in his lungs. Wolffe settled closer to him, pressing his forehead to Fox's temple and squeezing his hand.

" _Haalur_ , _Fox'ika,_ breathe, _"_ he urged. Fox held Wolffe's hand in a deathgrip and made desperate, pained noises against the feeling of _not enough oxygen_ and _I'm going to die_. "Just breathe. Come on, with me," Wolffe inhaled slowly and Fox gritted his teeth and tried to follow him, but it felt like his chest was being crushed. "Hold," Wolffe mumbled. Fox couldn't and it all came out in a wet, breathy exhale. Wolffe butted his head softly against Fox's and made an unbelieving sound. "C'mon _ner vod_ , _nar dralshy'a,_ " he grumbled, which was about as close as Wolffe got to encouraging. Fox tilted his head just enough to glare at him. Wolffe smiled tightly and reached over and grasped the back of Fox's head, pushing their foreheads together and closing his eyes. "Again," he ordered. 

Wolffe continued to guide Fox in his breathing until it was marginally less painful and he didn't feel like he was about to pass out. His entire body was still trembling. Fox ground his teeth, wishing the physical reaction to the panic would just _stop_. Wolffe combed his fingers through Fox's hair, giving him time to fully calm down. When he did, Fox glanced at his _vod_ and then away several times before he pushed himself up with a hoarse wheeze, dislodging Wolffe from his position. He was embarrassed at himself. Even if it was Wolffe. His batchmate looked up at him from the cot.

"It's okay, _Fox'ika_ ," Wolffe said with a slight tilt of his head and wary eyes, testing Fox's reaction. 

"It's _weak_ ," Fox retorted harshly. Wolffe was quiet for a few moments. When he spoke, he chose his words carefully. 

" _Plo'buir_ tells us that when our emotions overcome us, that we need to acknowledge them, no matter how painful. Keeping them within ourselves will inevitably lead to suffering," Wolffe inspected his armor as he spoke, expression far away. Fox sighed and it eased some of the tension still stuck in his chest.

"I don't think I needed holy wisdom from a _jetii_ to understand that," Fox muttered, fidgeting with the sheet in his hands. He just felt tired.

"Maybe you should practice it then, _ner vod_ ," Wolffe said, and Fox knew he was rolling his eyes without having to look. Fox snorted.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Don't lie straight to my face, _di'kut,"_ Wolffe huffed. Fox sighed and looked up at the ceiling. The medbay was too white. It reminded him too much of Kamino.

"How much time do you have?" he asked quietly. Wolffe hummed and paused a moment, probably checking his chronometer.

"About an hour," he replied. Fox weighed his options in his head, then nodded to himself. He made a decision. "You're gonna do something stupid," Wolffe said knowingly with barely contained exasperation. 

"I need to see something and-," Fox swallowed nervously and twisted so he could look Wolffe in the eye, "and I need you to be there." Wolffe's expression softened and he nodded. Then it instantly morphed into a scowl when he saw that Fox was already unhooking his IV. Surge had yelled at him for doing this exact thing so often that he had ended up teaching him how to do it properly before it gave the medic an aneurysm.

"You mean _now?"_ Wolffe asked incredulously. Fox made sure he wasn't connected to anything else and tested his balance on the ground. His ankle ached, but he wasn't as dizzy as the last few times he stood up, so he counted that as a win. 

"Yes, give me your comm," Fox said, looking to the door thinking of contingencies in case they ran into Surge. He held out his hand expectantly. When the comm wasn't immediately deposited into it he looked back to Wolffe. His _vod_ had shifted so he was sitting on the side of the cot but hadn't stood up yet. He looked conflicted.

"You're supposed to be resting. Kriff, Fox, you just had a panic attack. You shouldn't even be standing," Wolffe reprimanded, but the look on his face said that he already knew he wasn't going to win this argument. 

"I also have a broken ankle and-" Fox paused, assessing inward and pressing onto his side probingly, "possibly several broken ribs. And a puncture wound- must have been stabbed again. But this needs to be done. Comm, now," he made an impatient motion with his fingers. Wolffe's face got that distant, blank look that meant he regretted every moment that led to this one. 

"Your injury assessment does not improve my opinion," he said grouchily. When Fox just stared at him he let out an insultingly lengthy put-out sigh and rolled his eyes. But he unclipped his comm from his wrist and handed it over, dropping it unceremoniously into Fox's open hand.

Fox snatched it and logged in his frequency to access the private networks. He walked towards the door and ignored his limp and how the motion made it feel like something sharp was poking in his chest. He heard Wolffe get off the cot and take several large steps to catch up with him. 

"I'm not covering for you if you get caught by your medic," Wolffe muttered next to him.

"I wouldn't want you to do that anyways," Fox countered sourly. Then he tapped in Stone's private frequency. 

"Stone," the Commander greeted gruffly over the line. 

"You back, _vod_?" Fox asked, leading Wolffe through the hallways towards the barracks. 

"Fox? Why are you-?" there was a pause and a shuffle, "why are you on Wolffe's comm?" 

"Not relevant. Meet me in my office. Don't tell Thire or notify Thorn yet, I need to see how much they need to know first," he ordered. There was a pause, but Stone remained on the line. 

"Did you leave the medbay?" Stone accused, voice hard.

"Bring the report, Stone. Now," he snapped, throwing the comm into the air for Wolffe to catch seamlessly. 

"Why are you excluding intel from your Commanders?" Wolffe asked, sounding curious rather than judgmental.

" _Ret'lini,"_ Fox said tightly. "Because they are the least involved. I don't want them to get killed for knowing information if this goes sideways," he turned a corner too quickly and nearly doubled over from the sudden sharp pain and fell into the wall. Wolffe swore sharply and wrapped an arm around him to pull him back upright. 

"You're going to give your medic an ulcer," Wolffe chastised with a roll of his eyes.

"Good thing he's a medic," Fox grinned. Wolffe smacked him on the back of the head for that one. 

Wolffe helped Fox the rest of the way down the hall and into his office, then manhandled him so he sat in his chair at his desk, much to Fox's chagrin. Wolffe took post next to him like he was standing guard. Fox glanced at him then started to clear some of the datapads on his desk to keep his hands from fidgeting. His confidence from a few minutes ago was waning.

" _Wolf'ika,"_ he felt Wolffe turn to him attentively because of his tone. Fox kept his eyes on what he was doing with his hands. "The report Stone is bringing is probably going to have information that is confidential, if not outright illegal. If you watch it, you'll be complicit," he said quietly, he swallowed thickly and drummed his fingers on his desk. He regretted asking Wolffe to stay with him without thinking through the consequences. "It could put you and even your squad in danger. I'll understand if you don-"

"I'm staying," Wolffe cut in definitively. Fox bowed his head, because he knew Wolffe would say that. But now it was his fault if Wolffe was put in danger. "I'm staying here with you, _ner vod_ ," he assured. Wolffe was as stubborn as they come, so Fox didn't argue.

A few minutes later, Stone stormed into Fox's office with a black expression. He looked back and forth between Fox and Wolffe several times before fixating on Wolffe.

"You let him _leave?_ " he accused, voice cutting. 

"Would _you_ get in his way?" Wolffe countered with an annoyed snarl. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back like he wanted to fight. 

"Stop talking like I'm not here," Fox snapped, patience nonexistent. He massaged his temples, leaning onto his desk with his elbows. "Wolffe, ease off. Stone, lecture me later. I need to see the grievance report." He heard Stone shift uncomfortably in front of him.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said slowly, "your reaction wasn't exactly good when we were just _talking_ about it." Fox glared at his desk to avoid showing the irritation on his face. 

"Wolffe's my contingency," he explained with a flick of his wrist. Wolffe shifted next to him, most likely confused, but Fox was too tired to elaborate that Wolffe's presence was already soothing the jagged edges of his anxiety. "Come on, we don't have all day."

Stone glowered at him but sighed and locked the door behind him. He made a cursory sweep of the room to check if any of the bugs had been re-wired. Luckily, they hadn't. Finally, he stepped forward and placed the holodisc on the desk and sliced into the encrypted folders. The holo displayed the files between the three of them and Stone hesitated. Fox leaned back in his chair and then gave Stone a quick nod and waved his hand, his other clenched in a fist at his side. Stone's lips flattened into a line but he pressed on the file and it opened.

A recording of Captain Rex stood at attention, looking uncertain and uncomfortable, but determined. Fox cut off his sharp inhale at the sight of him. Rex's hologram fixed his gaze straight ahead.

"I already know this report is going to fall on deaf ears," Rex sighed and looked to the ground, "but I owe it to Fives to record what I saw." His brow furrowed in grief, confusion, concern, sadness, and fear - the medley of emotion passing over his face in a matter of seconds. Fox couldn't look away. His heart hammered uncomfortably in his chest. 

"I'm not sure I believe it myself, but there's a possibility that the inhibitor chips the Kaminoans put inside of us have a purpose we don't yet fully understand," Rex looked off to the side again, clenching his jaw. "I don't know what Fives got himself into, but he trusted me to help him. He may have not been acting rationally, but Fives is- was one of my best men. So whatever he found must have been important," Rex paced tightly back and forth for a moment and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"Fives was clearly unwell and distressed when he approached the General and I. But he was lucid enough to plan and apply a trap using a ray-shield. He was protecting himself and us, and had the forethought to think it through. I also want to report that Fives' behavior was distinctly different from Tup, who was also believed to be suffering from the same condition. On Ringo Vinda when the incident happened, Tup lost himself and was unresponsive apart from aggressive reactions to Jedi. He had no knowledge or memory that he had killed General Tiplar." Fox's body went ice cold in an instant. That description was horrifically familiar. "Fives was agitated and scared, but the man I knew was still there, and he was aware of the regulations he was breaking and the crimes he was committing," a pained expression passed over Rex's face. Fox's fingers twitched and he gripped his hand into a fist. 

"Fives believed that the Republic is part of a conspiracy that uses the inhibitor chips to carry out treasonous orders against our will. He believed this conspiracy went high up the Republic's chain of command. There's not enough evidence to back up any of his claims," Rex made a frustrated expression, his hand resting on his holster in agitation. He paused in thought before continuing.

"There's too many factors in this that don't add up. The Kaminoans seemed too defensive to just be worried about a viral outbreak," Rex's lip curled in a snarl before he schooled his expression into one more neutral and professional. Due to the nature of their upbringing, most clones had an ingrained distrust in the Kaminoans, if not outright hostility. Fox held no love for the _chakaaryc_ thin-necks _._ Rex continued, his face now only a mask of mild irritation. "This outbreak has already been successfully _inoculated_ in our battalions within hours of Fives' death." Fox flinched and Wolffe put a steadying hand on his shoulder. Rex paused and seemed to be trying to control his anger. "It's all too convenient and now I have two good men who are dead because of it." Rex looked back towards the front, his expression dark.

"I'm citing criminal negligence in this report against the Kaminoans. For scientists that have the most advanced knowledge of our biology as clones, this is not something that should have been overlooked. I can't confirm the theories of conspiracy that Fives was trying to warn myself and General Skywalker about. But on a base level my men were not taken care of and treated with respect and they lost their lives because of it." Rex closed his eyes and seemed to be breathing deeply to calm himself. It took a few moments for him to continue. 

"I am also filing a report for wrongful death and unlawful use of lethal force against Commander Fox of the Coruscant Guard," he said with a hard tone in his voice. Fox jolted, and even though he knew this part of the report existed, the blazing look of anger in Rex's eyes was like a vibroblade plunged straight into his chest and he couldn't breathe. Next to him, Wolffe shifted a little closer and whispered a soft order to take a breath. Stone's eyes were glued to the holo, face impassive but tense. 

"According to Coruscant Law, lethal force should only be used in a situation where there is no alternative, such as immediate danger to civilian life. In all instances of criminal apprehension it is standard procedure to subdue a suspect with a stun blast," he said briskly, as if he were just reciting the regs. "Fives was clearly unwell. And while subduing him was necessary due to the threat of my blasters and his emotional state-" Rex gave a pointed look through the holo and Fox felt like he was looking directly at him, "lethal force was _not_." Fox shuddered and dropped his head, closing his eyes. He didn't notice when he'd started trembling. But it didn't matter, because every word was true. He deserved this. 

"I don't claim to know what Fox's orders were. And a character witness confirms that Fox would never harm a brother on his own volition without sufficient evidence or reason." Fox whipped his head to Wolffe in confusion. Wolffe looked back, grim-faced and eyes haunted, then mouthed _'Cody_ '. They both turned back to the holo when Rex continued. 

"I can only conclude that Fox was 'following orders'," he said the phrase with an odd lilt to his tone and a far-off analytical look in his eyes. "All I can say is that my brother was killed for no substantial reason other than to silence him. Other potential assassins to the Chancellor were captured alive and imprisoned. Why not Fives?" Rex's professional tone broke on his brother's name and the Captain clenched his fists and looked to the ground. A few moments passed and then Rex exhaled. "End report submission," he said, and the image fizzled out. 

It was eerily silent in the room, none of the Commanders even breathed. Then, in a lightning-quick motion Wolffe drew his blaster and fired at the holodisc several times, leaving a chunk of nearly unrecognizable metal and a charred scar on the surface of Fox's desk. Stone turned slowly to him, but Fox was frozen to his seat, petrified. 

"That… is too dangerous to leave physical evidence of," Wolffe said carefully, looking pale and almost ill. "Kriff, how did you even access that? Is it safe?" there was an edge of panic creeping into Wolffe's voice. 

"I- I got Jaing to slice it as well as do the encryption. No one but him even knows we have it," Stone said, voice uneven. Wolffe exhaled a bit at that, but he was still tense to nearly the breaking point. Fox was still completely rigid in his seat. 

"Fox," Wolffe said his name softly. " _Ner vod,_ are you all right?" he kneeled down, either unable to remain standing or trying to get on Fox's eye level. 

"I'm being used," Fox's voice felt disconnected from his body. "That's why I have gaps of lost time." He finally turned to his batchmate, and he saw his own terror mirrored in Wolffe's face. "I was used to murder a _brother_."

"What are we going to do?" Stone murmured from the other side of the desk. "How do we- What do we do with this?" he was staring at the remains of the holodisc.

Rex had said that Fives' claims had no evidence. But Fox knew with absolute certainty that Fives had been _right_. Rex's account of Tup, the memory loss, the possible involvement of the Chancellor. Fox knew that the source of _wrong_ was the _shabla_ chip in his brain. From the looks on Wolffe and Stone's faces, they'd reached a similar conclusion.

"I want it out," whispered Fox, he raised his head up so quickly he felt a twinge in his neck. "I want this _thing_ out of my _head_ ," his voice edged on hysteria. 

"Breathe, _Fox'ika,"_ Wolffe reminded him, putting a hand on the back of Fox's neck. "We have to be cautious. If it's discovered we removed our chips, it's impossible to guess what the fallout could be. You have to be _especially_ careful, Fox _,_ " Wolffe winced at the betrayed look that crossed Fox's face. Fox shrugged Wolffe's hand off of him, and Wolffe grimaced at him. " _Ner vod,_ listen to me. Rex heavily implied that the Chancellor is involved in whatever this is. You have the most contact with him out of all the Guard. If you remove your chip, and then are given an order but do not obey, it will be instantly clocked," he insisted. Fox's face heated up in indignation and he stood up, making Wolffe take a quick step backwards. 

"I am _not_ keeping this _osik_ in my head," he snarled. "I refuse to be used to hurt my brothers again, to become _aruetii_ to the Republic and my brothers. I would rather die than remain a _shabla_ meat-droid." Wolffe's face crumbled in devastation at Fox's words. He quickly tried to hide it, but was unsuccessful and it was still written plainly on his face.

"Wolffe's right, Fox," Stone interrupted quietly. "And we still need more information. We're going on circumstantial evidence," he didn't look entirely convinced at his own statement, but he grimaced and held firm.

"Stone, I don't even know who I _killed_ today," Fox pleaded, the memory of his reappearance early this morning becoming increasingly horrifying. "I can't. I can't continue now that I know." In his peripheral, he saw Wolffe's lip curl in anger. 

"So what, you're just going to kill yourself? After everything, you're going to end it like that?" his voice was harsh and clipped, each word meant to hit a nerve. 

"Better than being a pawn," Fox said coldly. Wolffe made an angry noise in his throat. 

"You are _not_ killing yourself," Stone snapped over them. "Focus. What are our options? We can leave the chip in, do more research covertly, and deal with whatever comes. We can remove it, and pretend we haven't, but that runs the risk of being found out if we don't have a complete understanding of the chip's functions. We don't even know if removing this chip could cause permanent brain damage! _"_ he reasoned. Fox made a rude sound.

"I don't care if it makes me kriffing _brain_ - _dead,_ I want it out," he retorted stubbornly. Stone looked like he wanted to scream but settled for agitated pacing. Wolffe sighed with a weight that promised punishment, but before he could chew Fox out for his stubbornness Stone's comm beeped. The three Commanders went still. Stone kept his gaze fixed on Fox as he raised his arm and tapped his comm to answer.

"Where is he?" Surge demanded without a greeting. 

"With me. In his office," Stone replied evenly, impenetrable countenance locked in place within a split second. Fox took a step forward to try and stop him but Wolffe put a warning hand on Fox's shoulder to keep him back.

"I'm not even going to ask. Get him back to the medbay, _now_ ," Surge ordered and ended the communication. None of the Commanders spoke up against being ordered around by a Sergeant. They stood dumbly in silence before Wolffe dropped his head and sighed in resignation. 

"I have to go anyway," he said, a heavy grimace on his face. Something clenched in Fox's chest at the reminder and he looked at the floor to hide his irrational disappointment.

"Come on, keeping Surge waiting will just make your punishment worse," Stone sighed, waving Fox forward. Fox grimaced at that but wasn't surprised. His mind was in other places. 

It was frustrating. They knew now, but what good had come of it? There was still so much about the chips and the conspiracy they didn't know. They couldn't speak or act on it. He felt more powerless now than he had before. The crushing realization of what they'd discovered nearly sent him to his knees. He wiped aggressively at his eyes and sniffed. 

"Fine," he said huskily, his throat tight. Wolffe stepped up next to him and wrapped an arm around Fox's shoulder to help keep him steady as they made their way out. He must have sensed Fox's despair, because he whispered soft assurances in his ear as they walked. For once, Fox let him coddle him. 

Stone led them back through the halls to the medbay, ignoring the curious ogling of the other troops. Fox admired Stone's determined confidence, as well as his ability to clear a room with just a stern look. 

They entered the medbay and came face-to-face with Surge, who was standing in the middle of the room with a truly apocalyptic expression on his face. 

"I'm going to strap you down now," Surge said, his voice frighteningly calm. Fox heard Wolffe mutter something disparaging about medics' tempers under his breath. Fox nodded complacently at Surge, and Wolffe and Stone helped him into the bed again. In truth, Fox was exhausted. The second he was on the cot he knew he wouldn't be leaving for hours, straps or not. 

Surge walked up to him and attached the straps to the cot. Normally, they were used for injured criminals that were being treated before being locked in the barracks holding cells. Once they'd been used on a clone who suffered a head injury that made him temporarily hyper-aggressive. He strapped Fox in, tight enough so he couldn't leave but not enough to hurt or aggravate his injuries. When he finished he grabbed Fox roughly by the bottom half of his face. The movement made Fox's eyes go cross-eyed. It made him feel like a cadet getting scolded. 

"Stay," Surge hissed the command quietly, glaring with an impressive amount of vehemence. Fox tried to nod with the medic's hand on his face. That seemed to be enough because Surge nodded sharply in return and took his hand away and turned to start preparing the IV. 

Wolffe stepped up closer to him and grasped Fox's hand in a tight hold. He leaned over and knocked their foreheads together and Fox closed his eyes into it. Fox had no idea when he would see his batchmate next, or what could possibly go wrong in that time. He soaked in the calming presence of his _vod_.

" _Ret'urcye mhi,"_ Wolffe breathed.

" _'lek,_ " Fox choked out. " _K'oyacyi, ner vod,"_ he murmured as his batchmate stepped back, and even Wolffe's perfect composure was cracked in pain and fear. It made Fox feel slightly less ashamed of how wet his eyes felt. Wolffe visibly swallowed, then looked at Stone.

"Be careful, _ner vode_ ," he whispered softly to both of them. And they were the only ones who knew what he meant. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **_Mando'a_ Translations:**  
> There's a lot this time so I'm excluding ones I have already defined in this fic
> 
> _Naasad_ \- none, not any, nothing  
>  _Ibac cuyir ke'gyce_ \- that is an order  
>  _Tayli'bac_ \- got it? understand? (often very aggressive)  
>  _Su cuy'gar_ \- hello (lit. you're still alive)  
>  _(proper noun)'buir_ \- affectionate suffix for a parent  
>  _Jorhaa'ir_ \- speak, talk  
>  _Ibac cuyir bic_ \- that's it  
>  _Osik'la_ \- messed up, screwed up, horrible (impolite)  
>  _Haalur_ \- breathe  
>  _Nar dralshy'a_ \- try harder, put your back into it  
>  _Jetii_ \- Jedi  
>  _Ret'lini_ \- just in case  
>  _Chakaaryc_ \- rotten, low-life (generic adjective to describe an undesirable person of dubious ethics) (impolite)  
>  _Aruetii_ \- traitor, foreigner, outsider (in this instance it is the first)  
>  _Ret'uryce mhi_ \- goodbye (lit. maybe we'll meet again)  
>  _'lek_ \- yeah  
>  _K'oyacyi_ \- several meanings, but Fox uses it as 'come back safely' or 'stay alive'.


	4. Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fox is released from the medical bay and decides that 'medical leave' is really just a guideline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man hey yall!!! it's been a while since the last update and there's uh... several reasons for that! firstly, i've been trying to finish my student film over the summer (we're behind schedule still but i hope to finish by mid-september!! crossing my fingers!) and that eats up a lot of my time... mostly with worrying about it. i also had a really hard time with this chapter because i am introducing a group called the RLF who don't play like a MAJOR role in the plot, but i wanted to portray them correctly. it was a loooot of back and forth and wishy-washiness on whether i should go with this route or change it.
> 
> anyways, sorry for the long wait!! the next chapter is mostly ready but i'm just making some adjustments as well as really wanting to kinda plot this monster out a bit more. big thanks to @writehandman (@forcesensitivebantha on tumblr) for helping me with this chapter!!
> 
> as always, your comments and kudos mean sooo much to me!! even if i dont reply i read over the comments so often just for that nice little BOOST of happiness. i'm really touched with how you all like my story and i'm excited to share it ;A; feel free to come say hi to me on tumblr @koyacyi-vode!

Surge unstrapped Fox from his cot a little while later. Because despite the medic's grumpy exterior, he wasn't mean-spirited. In fact, he was one of the most sensitive troopers Fox had ever met, which is what had made him such a good fit for a Guard medic. He'd seen Surge countless times in the early hours of the morning talking quietly with the shinies, reassuring them with kind words and advice. About two-thirds of the new recruits had some sort of breakdown within the first few months of service in the Guard. Surge, for all his surliness, was always someone the men could turn to when they couldn't hold themselves together anymore. Guard recruits were sifted through and found by looking for elevated reaction times and quick thinking on test results in their training. But nothing could prepare them for what their job really entailed, or the mental and emotional toll it would take. Experience didn't necessarily make it better, they just found other ways to cope. 

Surge made sure that his point had been made, and then let Fox have some more freedom once he was positive Fox wasn't about to disappear again. Fox, for what it was worth, _did_ feel a bit guilty for Surge's recent spike in blood pressure. It wasn't that he _wanted_ to piss off one of his top medical officers. He just happened to have a knack for it. And panic tended to make him impulsive and reckless with his own wellbeing. He'd never talked to Surge about it in the way he'd seen with the others. A nagging voice in the back of his head told him that Surge would probably be able to help him, if he asked. But he kept his distance from his men for a reason, and the discovery of the chips solidified his decision to keep them at arm's length. He would protect the Guard to his dying breath.

While he was confined to bedrest for three days, Stone and Thire had taken up his duties. It annoyed Fox mostly because he hated nothing more than being indisposed. But he was also terrified of what might happen to his Commanders if he wasn't there and they were given an order that was meant for _him._ They'd been lucky, and the Chancellor was off-planet for several days for a diplomatic event and had taken his personal guards instead of the Guard. But that didn't mean they were safe. Fox had no idea who knew the true intentions of the chips. He himself only knew vaguely about it, and all he knew was that it was _bad._

Fox wasn't positive that the Chancellor was directly involved in using the chips, not without proof. But he definitely had his suspicions, and Fox's hunches were usually close to the truth. It had taken him a while to emotionally come to terms with the fact that the highest authority in the Republic, who he served and fought for and who his brothers _died_ for, could be corrupt. He didn't _want_ to believe it. But it did somewhat explain Fox's irrational fear of the man. For the time being, until they could gather more intel on the conspiracy and the chips themselves Fox decided it was best to keep his _vode_ as far away from the Supreme Chancellor at all costs.

He wanted the karking _chip_ out of his head. He just didn't know _how_ yet. Now that he wasn't panicking, he could see Stone and Wolffe's point. They _needed_ to use caution, to get more answers. Impulsively removing the chip would undoubtedly lead to their discovery, which would most likely end in their rapid decommissioning. That was _not_ something Fox could allow to happen. As far as Fox knew, aside from Rex, the only people who _knew_ about the chips were him, Stone, and Wolffe. The secret couldn't die with them just yet. 

But anyone they told would be in danger. Of what, Fox was unsure, and uncertainties were risks they couldn't take chances with. So they had to proceed with extreme caution.

Fox rubbed at his temples, thinking hard on logistics, with his paperwork laid on top of him like a second bedsheet of datapads. Several had overflowed and spilled onto the floor.

Thorn was off-planet on a diplomatic mission, so he was still completely in the dark. But he’d be returning in about a day or so, his mission an easy escort job. Fox was still debating about letting him into the loop. On one hand, not knowing would be safer for him and he'd be non-complicit in any treasonous or illegal activity they did. (Fox had come to terms with the fact that him, Wolffe and Stone would be breaking a good number of Republic and even Galactic laws. He'd stopped caring.) But on the other hand, Fox knew that Thorn would be belligerent if he found out that his _vode_ were keeping this kind of secret from him.

Fox signed his current datapad and put it to the side on the precariously leaning 'done' pile. He saw Surge approach from his peripheral vision as he skimmed through the next 'pad.

"I still don't think this counts as 'taking it easy'," the medic sighed. 

"I'm the Commander of the Guard. I can't just 'take a day off'," Fox muttered back, raising his eyebrows at him. Surge made a face but didn't object, because unfortunately it was the truth. Surge had long since stopped chastising Fox and his fellow Commanders for overworking themselves. It was a losing battle.

"Well, soon you can overwork yourself in the comfort of your office. You can be discharged in two hours," Surge said, and Fox perked up in surprise. Surge actually _smiled_ a bit at his reaction, a small, tolerant smirk. Then he forced his expression into his 'stern medic face', his brow furrowing and the smile hardening down into a grim line. "But I don't want you to be doing strenuous activity for the next few days, or you could rip your stitches." He waited a moment for Fox to respond, but all Fox could give him was a tiny shrug. Surge's lips flattened, but he gracefully kept himself from outwardly scowling. He reached out and put a careful hand on Fox's shoulder. "Don't do this again, Fox, I mean it," he said softly, his expression sad. Fox looked away from him, because he couldn't promise that either. Surge didn't say anything for several seconds. Perhaps he was waiting for Fox to open up to him. Perhaps he was looking for the right words to comfort him, even when he didn't know what was actually wrong. The silence held heavily between them like the air was weighted. Surge finally broke it with a quiet, defeated sigh. His head bowed like it weighed too much on his shoulders, and he turned away. Fox watched him leave, an uncomfortable lump lodged in his throat.

\---

Fox had taken on as much as he could of Thire and Stone's paperwork to try and make up for them taking on the rest of his duties. He got through a few more datapads - mostly requisitions and permits, setting each of them aside in neat piles. It felt like a return to a bit of normalcy, but even that felt like a carefully constructed lie. The knowledge of the chips and what they meant weighed ever-present in his mind.

His long-distance comm beeped next to him and he picked it up. He'd had Stone grab it for him, to keep an ear open in case Wolffe ran into trouble. It was unlikely. And it was less likely Wolffe would be in any position to call, and even less that Fox would be able to do anything about it. But he had to be sure. No wonder his _vode_ called him paranoid.

"This is Fox," he answered. 

" _Gar mirsh solus,_ Fox," Cody's voice sounded fond, if a bit strained.

"That's nice, I'll ask to borrow one from Gree," Fox shot back with a sneer, rolling his eyes. "What's wrong with you? You sound like you're in pain, Kot'ika. You get blown up again? Or did you kick a droid too hard in the head?" 

"Actually-"

" _Wayii_ , Kote _,_ I didn't want to be _right_ ," Fox rolled his eyes again. If he rolled them any harder he'd hurt himself like Wolffe did as a cadet. He'd never let Wolffe live that down, but would lose all credibility if he did it himself. Cody huffed out a laugh. 

"I'm _fine_. It's just a mild concussion," Cody reassured lightly. Fox inwardly assumed that by mild Cody must have fallen off of a building. Their entire batch had a chronic issue of understating pain and injury, it was almost second nature. "I should be back on point with the men by tomorrow."

"Well I'm glad you're okay, _ner vod._ It's been a while since I've heard from you," Fox said, voice softer. "I was concerned your _di'kutla jetii_ had gotten you killed," he added, because he couldn't stand being vulnerable for more than six seconds. Fox poked absently at the bandage covering the stab wound on his side that he still didn't have an answer for. He flinched when he poked it too hard, but continued anyway. Cody laughed and it was like a balm to the craggy fractures of Fox's soul. 

" _Mir'sheb,_ " Cody muttered affectionately. He was silent for a few moments, and Fox figured that he was deciding how to broach something more serious. "Fox, Wolffe called me," he said, talking quieter like he didn't want to be overheard. Good, Fox didn't want them to be overheard either. He didn't know what Wolffe had told Cody, but he presumed he wouldn't risk discussing the chips in detail over comm. So this was likely something more personal. Great.

"You'll be happy to know he's still a constant enabler to my stupidity," Fox deflected because it was _instinct_. That one had even been at the expense of his own dignity. Not that he cared. He'd been making self-deprecating jokes since he was a cadet.

"At least you're aware you're an _utreekov,_ _vod'ika,_ " Cody sighed, sounding tired. "Now stop stalling and listen. I heard about what happened with Fives. Rex told me some of it. I'm sorry I can't be there for you, _vod_. I know you, and I know how it must have hurt you." Fox froze up. He wondered when he would stop reacting like that whenever he heard Fives' name. He wasn't sure he ever would. 

"You knew him," Fox said in a rush. "Fives. You and Rex knew him, right?" Cody didn't respond for a few seconds.

"Yeah," he said, voice quiet. 

"He was a good man, right?" Fox's voice was unsteady. For some reason he needed to know. Fox hadn't personally known the ARC trooper. He knew nothing about him apart from that night. He _needed_ to know and he needed to hear it from _Cody_. His batchmate sighed, sounding tired. 

"Fox…" he had that reluctant tone in his voice. Fox knew that tone. It was Cody's 'that's a bad idea' voice. Cody was overprotective, and it was a trait their whole batch shared. It made them exceedingly loyal and ruthless; dedicated to succeeding at any cost. But it could also lead to being overly-cautious (Cody) or dangerously reckless (Fox). Wolffe seemed to have the lucky middle-ground between the two. Their differences led to Cody and Fox butting heads constantly when they were cadets. And once the war started it was just Cody busting Fox's _gett'se_ from across the Galaxy. 

"Kote _gedet'ye_ ," Fox rarely pleaded, and his voice sounded desperate and brittle to his own ears.

"The truth will only hurt you, _ner vod_ ," Cody reasoned. Fox knew that. 

" _Gedet'ye_."

Cody stayed quiet for so long that Fox almost thought his _vod_ had hung up on him. 

"He was a good man," Cody said finally, his voice strained. "Extremely skilled, he thought outside of the box, and his quick thinking saved a lot of missions and a lot of lives. Hah, he was uh," Cody cleared his throat roughly, "kind of insubordinate. Gave Rex a lot of headaches. But he was loyal, would do anything for our _vode_ ," Cody paused. "Yeah. He was a good man, Fox." 

Fox let out several short, clipped breaths, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. 

"He was a good man, he shouldn't have died. But punishing yourself for it and hurting yourself further won't help anyone, _ner vod,_ " Cody said, his voice low and insistent. He paused for several long moments before continuing in a softer tone. "Wolffe told me what you were doing to yourself," Cody murmured. Fox breathed through his nose to try and stay calm. Just because Cody was his batchmate didn't mean it was any easier to talk about his suicidal recklessness and self-neglect. "Fox, you can't keep doing this to yourself. This guilt you carry, it's not all yours to bear. You don't have to punish yourself. You don't deserve to die for what you've done and what you've been through," he murmured, and Fox _really_ didn't need to hear the broken note in his batchmate's voice. 

"I don't like this side of you," Fox choked out with a stuttered breath. 

"If you'd stop deflecting every time someone asked you about your feelings, people might like _you_ more," Cody grumbled, but he sounded more tired than annoyed. 

"I was being serious," Fox retorted, he felt a reflexive sneer rise on his face like an involuntary defense mechanism. "You and Wolffe spout more _jetii osik_ every time I talk to you," he didn't know why he was being snappish with Cody. His _vod_ certainly didn't deserve Fox's temper. Perhaps it was just a side-effect of being habitually defensive, along with never having actually served with a Jedi General. 

Fox only knew them through the Temple and less through the Council. And Geonosis hadn't exactly given him a positive first impression. The entire fiasco that was the Jedi Temple bombing incident with Commander Tano and General Skywalker was too convoluted to even _begin_ to unpack. Regardless, he'd become steadily disillusioned with the greatness of the Jedi. They were decidedly not like the mythic heroes they were flashtrained to respect. From Fox's experience, they said a lot of fancy things that never seemed to hold true in the long run. Cody was quiet for several long moments and Fox's defensive ire started to die down and bleed into shame.

"I wasn't quoting a Jedi saying or philosophy," Cody said slowly. "I just don't want you to die." It was like a punch to the gut.

"Oh."

"It pisses me off that you sound surprised," Cody grumbled, and there was a muffled sound on his end. Cody replied, his voice far away like he put down his comm, and there was a shuffle of him picking it back up. "I have to go, Fox'ika," he sounded regretful. Fox understood that feeling. 

" _K'oyacyi,_ Kot'ika, stay alive," Fox murmured, clutching his comm in his hand like it was his only lifeline. 

"I will if you will," Cody countered sadly, and there was a small beep indicating the line was closed. Fox let out a long breath. First Stone and Thire, then Surge, Wolffe and now Cody. The concern of his _vode_ was frankly overwhelming. And he wanted to do everything in his power to prove that he was worth their loyalty. At least now he had an objective.

He just didn't know how he would pull it off yet. 

\---

Fox was released from the medbay with rather threatening outpatient orders from Surge. He wasn't cleared for _active_ duty, but he could at least relieve some of his less hands-on duties from Thire and Stone. He went back to his quarters and stripped off his ruined blacks. There was a wide hole in the side where the nanoprene weave had been sliced open. Aside from his ankle, which was wrapped in a bacta compression splint to steady it, and the dark mottled bruising on his arms and torso, he couldn't see much other significant damage. He peeled off the large bacta patch on his side and put it on the counter. The stitches still had the raw, painful look to them. Surge had briefly explained to him that the wound had been too deep to simply use the laser cauterizer on. They were more rudimentary, but would heal better in the long run with less probability for internal complications. Fox didn't really care about one more scar on his body. What bothered him about it was that he still had no idea how he got it in the first place. 

Most likely, he would never remember and it was useless to speculate. Fox sighed and threw his blacks in the trash bin. They were past the point of repair and he had several others in his belongings somewhere. 

He had to change his regular pressure settings on the shower so it wouldn't aggravate his bruises, and then he washed off the remaining blood and grime. He tried not to let himself dwell on the unease of his latest blackout. He knew they happened. The blackouts had been steadily increasing in frequency and intensity for the past few months. And he'd been in this exact same place more times than he cared to admit. But this time he knew _how_ and possibly _why_. It was different from the previous times he had tried to wash away his terror and unease in a wave of denial and repression.

He didn't linger in the 'fresher, and immediately put on a new set of blacks after redressing his stitches with a dry bacta patch. He had several days' growth of a beard on his face, but he didn't bother to shave it. He'd get around to presentability some other time. 

His armor had been cleaned and placed in his quarters by someone, probably Thire or Stone. He kitted up quickly, and the familiar weight of his _kama_ and pistols put him more at ease. Fox ignored the shaking in his hands and put on his helmet. He had work to do. 

First, he went to the control center, where the Guard filtered comms from patrol squads and issued orders throughout the senate district and surrounding area. Thire was there, and the look of shock on his face when the door slid open was almost comical. 

"I'm surprised Surge let you go," he said, recovering quickly and crossing his arms. He raised an eyebrow for skeptical emphasis. 

"I got out on good behavior," Fox quipped. He tilted his head to the screens in the room showing live videos from the cameras the squad leaders had built into their HUDs. "Gimme a sitrep, everyone behaving?" 

"Today has been quiet. At least, as quiet as it _can be_ for us. Nothing of note in the Senate District, and the patrol squads have come across a few robberies and assaults that have been handled. Our men are doing well, only light injuries. Everything seems to be running as smoothly as this place can. Except..." Thire grimaced and gave Fox a searching expression before turning purposefully towards one of the other camera feeds. It showed a surveillance nest being set up by one of their intel units. 

One of the younger troopers next to them was being entirely too obvious with his staring at them. Fox supposed it was rare for two commanders to be in the control center together. It _was_ a bit overkill. 

"Except?" Fox urged. Thire sighed, unable to stall any longer, he tilted his head up to the ceiling.

"There's been increased activity by the Republic Liberation Front. They've become more coordinated and are ambushing our patrol squads. Yesterday Dag got shot in the face, nearly took out his kriffing eye," Thire watched him warily as he relayed the information, knowing _exactly_ how Fox reacted when Guard troopers were injured. Fox felt his face heat up in anger, but was wearing his _buy'ce_ , so his reaction didn't show apart from him clenching his fists. 

The Republic Liberation Front had been around since the start of the war as a radical sect, though its popularity had surged considerably during the Temple Bombing Incident. Their members believed that the war was caused by the clones, and their hatred-fueled persecution had originally been limited to holonet forums and conspiracy articles. Fox could never read very far into the articles about them without feeling sick. As the war dragged on and unrest steadily grew in the core worlds, they resorted to physical violence against clones, which was almost always the Guard. Fox had tried to get the RLF labeled as a hate group at one point so action could be taken against them, but was denied due to the legal status of clones in Republic Law. 

"Intel says they're setting up something big, but we don't know what," Thire added. 

"We can't get any more substantial intel? Just 'something big'?" Fox asked. Thire shook his head.

"It's hard to go undercover in an anti-clone group when you're a clone," he admitted. Fox hummed, thinking.

"Where do you get your intel from then?" he braced his hands on the top of one of the monitors, absently watching the screen above him as a shock trooper tried to ease down a very aggressive Ithorian. The trooper got a punch in the face for his efforts and went sprawling. Fox winced in sympathy and turned his full attention back to Thire.

"Video surveillance and word of mouth mostly," one of the analysts piped in. Fox turned to him and the man cowered a bit, realizing that he interrupted two commanders, but Fox didn't care about formalities.

"So the rumor mill," he said, his mind already whirring with an idea. 

"Yes, Sir," the analyst said, voice slightly squeaky. The nervousness made Fox frown. The day his men didn't cringe like he was going to gut them couldn't come fast enough. Fox forcibly pushed the thought away and hummed again, tilting his head.

"That's not good enough. We need someone on the inside. Especially now that we know their attacks and violence are increasing," he insisted, and next to him Thire nodded. Fox rocked his head back and forth. "I think I know someone," he said, looking back to Thire. "I'll pay them a visit and see what they can do for us." Thire's face pulled down in a frown.

"Are you cleared to go off base? You were only just discharged. I'm not getting yelled at by Surge again because of you," he said, his brows pulled together in doubt.

"Surge didn't say I couldn't go off base, he just said I shouldn't do anything too strenuous for the next few days," Fox defended and the annoyed look he got in response meant Thire didn't believe him. 

"Can we talk in private, Commander?" Thire requested, voice a little harder. The analyst, who had been listening to their exchange, hunched his shoulders sheepishly and twirled back around in his chair. Fox rolled his whole head in annoyance, a gesture he'd picked up from Wolffe. He turned on his heel and signed for Thire to follow him out of the room.

Fox led them to a deserted hallway and turned back around, crossing his arms and waiting for Thire to start his lecture. He was getting rather sick of being questioned on his every decision. 

"Is it safe for you to leave the base?" Thire asked again.

"My injuries are almost all healed and I've gotten plenty of sleep. Your worry is unneeded, Commander," Fox said, irritated. Thire closed his eyes and sighed.

"That's not what I meant," he said. Fox narrowed his eyes at him, even though his _vod_ couldn't see his face. "Look, you were unconscious so you didn't see it. But when you came back after being MIA for nearly a day, something was _wrong_ ," Thire said with agitation. He made a frustrated little gesture with his arm. "You don't even know what happened! And you called Stone off of the investigation so we have no idea what you did in the time you were missing. What's to say something like that won't happen again?" Thire demanded. 

Fox grimaced, because Thire had every right to question his actions. But Thire wasn't aware of the chips yet, only that something was wrong with _Fox_. He also wasn't aware that Fox wouldn't black out unless he talked with the Chancellor (as far as he assumed) or some other high-ranking diplomat or leader. And he planned to field those calls with _osik_ excuses for the next few days. 

"I understand your concern, but it's not going to happen. I'll be fine," he assured. Thire looked decidedly _not_ assured. Fox huffed an annoyed breath. "You want to know _why_? Then ask Stone. But I need to go. The longer we wait, the more time those _chakaare_ have to organize an attack against us," he insisted, a protective urgency flooding his veins with adrenaline. Thire grimaced unhappily but didn't stop him. He knew that short of physically restraining him, Fox wouldn't back down. 

Fox figured it was better for Stone to tell Thire about the chips and Rex's report without him being present himself. Reopening that particular emotional wound so soon would just be moronic, and he wasn't a masochist. But he decided to let Stone know ahead of time so he could prepare. With the holodisc effectively bricked they would have to be convincing in their explanation to be believed. He commed Stone on his way back to his office. 

"Can you talk or are you in a firefight?" he asked without greeting. 

"Hello to you too, Fox," Stone said in that weirdly flat way that still sounded amused. "I can talk. We're setting up a sting, just gotta wait it out but it'll be a while until our targets show their faces."

"I won't hold you long. Thire's probably gonna talk to you. I need you to tell him about those reports," he said, keeping his voice neutral and calm. When using comms or in a room not swept for bugs, it was prudent to be careful. Anyone could be listening. Stone made a low hum in his throat. 

"You don't want to be there to go over them as well?" he asked, keeping what they were referring to vague. Good ole' Stone. Always quick to catch on. 

"Nope," Fox said, popping the 'P' in the way that drove Cody borderline insane when they were cadets. Stone huffed a laugh. 

"Fine, leave it to me," Stone assured with a soft laugh. Fox smiled at the easy trust he could always have in Stone and pushed into his office. It was really his office/bedroom, since he almost never spent time in his actual officer's quarters apart from the 'fresher. He popped his comm out of his vambrace and set it down on the ground close by. He rifled through a box filled with civvies and started throwing some to the side. He didn't understand fashion, but he knew how to dress to blend in when needed. "Did Surge discharge you?" Stone implored. Something shifted on the other end of the line followed by a quiet instruction from Stone.

"He wasn't happy with it, and may have threatened bodily harm, but I probably deserve that for what I put him through," Fox said, and he felt Stone's scolding glare through his comm and changed tactic. "I'm fine. Actually I'm going to go contact a CI in the lower levels," he said conversationally. Stone scoffed. 

"Oh really now? Why the kriff are you doing that and who's letting you?" he asked. Fox stripped his armor off methodically. He would have preferred to keep it on a little longer, but wandering around the lower levels alone in full kit was definitely the way to get jumped, and he wasn't looking for that kind of action.

"Your lack of faith saddens me. We need an inside man to know more specific information about the movements within the RLF. I know a CI who would fit in just fine," he reasoned. "And I can assign myself, thank you very much," he added, picking up the heavy-soled boots that he used when not in armor or uniform.

"Is that so," Stone said, sounding unconvinced. That tone was coming up in conversations too often and sooner or later it was going to piss him off. Probably sooner. 

"Thire told me Dag nearly got blinded by them, Stone! Next thing they're going to do is kill one of us if we're not prepared. So it's time to _get_ prepared," Fox reasoned, his voice sharp and hard in the way it got when his men were in danger. He couldn't just sit around and wait until something happened. It was time to _act_.

"So why do _you_ have to go? You're still technically on medical leave until the end of the week, you know. It's in your file. Surge wrote it in bold and underlined it twice," Stone countered, sounding exasperated. Fox paused in the middle of pulling on civvy trousers that were just on the side of too-tight. He continued dressing, pouting in consternation. He pulled on a shirt which was annoyingly thin compared to his blacks. Civvy clothes always made him feel far too exposed. 

"Do you also think I can't handle myself?" he asked quietly, voice edging on hostile. He _really_ was getting sick of his actions being questioned. 

"You know I don't," Stone assured with an exasperated sigh. "But I _do_ think you are more inclined to throw yourself into unnecessary risk. And that you're being especially protective to the point of being _jare'la_ when it comes to our men at the moment," he pointed out. 

Sometimes, Fox despised the fact that Stone knew him so well.

"It's _my_ CI. They're not a risk for me to visit," Fox snorted, rolling his eyes. Truthfully, his CI was relatively harmless, they were just involved in some unfortunate business and had a bad lot in life. Fox could relate to that. Fox dug in his box for a more nondescript thigh holster that would work for his civvy disguise. He transferred one of his DC-17 hand blasters into the new holster since it was too conspicuous to take both. To make up for the lack of firepower he hid two extra vibroblades on him, one in his jacket and one in his boot. Fox may be impulsive, but he never entered a fight unprepared.

" _Everything_ is a risk with you," Stone grumbled, and the long pause between them when his words sunk in sobered both of their moods. Stone sighed. "Be back as soon as you can, _ner vod_ , or I will come and find you," he threatened,though his voice was gentle. Fox nodded, even though Stone couldn't see him. 

"Keep that sting textbook, _Ston'ika_ ," he replied and Stone called him a _mir'sheb_ before signing off. Fox picked up his comm from the floor and put it into his pocket. 

He went to his desk and dug through his drawers until he found an unused comm unit he could encrypt for two-way communication. He leaned against the side of his desk and picked up the datapad he used for encryptions and slicing, popping open the back of the comm to access the wire port. He plugged his datapad in and patched into the comm's systems to upgrade some of its securities and add an auto-scrambler so it couldn't be traced. Then he encrypted the unit so its datalogs would be useless numbers. 

Fox unplugged the now untraceable comm and replaced his datapad. It was one of the only datapads he consistently kept track of and put in a secure location, mostly because it was a pain in the _shebs_ to get a new encryption unit. He put the comm in his pocket and sighed, cursing his abysmal luck. 

A surge in RLF activity was the _last_ thing he needed right now. The _chakaare_ had always been a persistent thorn in his side, but the GAR didn't seem to find their threats worth investigating. That their actions had escalated to this point was unacceptable to Fox. They never should have been able to grow this much and gain as many members as the scale of their attacks seemed to indicate. 

It frustrated Fox to no end that they had never been dealt with, that the threat against his brothers was not taken seriously. He didn’t understand why the Temple Bombing suspects had been dealt with so swiftly but the RLF had been given the freedom to grow and fester. Regardless, if he wanted them dealt with he’d have to do it on his own. Appealing to the Law and higher authority was going to get him nowhere. And he didn't want to give them the chance to hurt any more of the Guard. The RLF was against _all_ clones. But the Guard took the brunt of their hatred. 

It was just yet another problem to fix alongside the already astronomical task of dealing with the chips. _By committing treason,_ his brain corrected helpfully. He ignored it. Both problems put his brothers at risk. The RLF was more immediate, but the chips were detrimental in a more insidious way, one that he still wasn't sure of the full scope of damage. Both terrified him to his core. So Fox did what he did best, he chose to act. 

Fox left his office and headed towards his speeder in the hangar. The RLF he could readily take action against, so he had to prioritize it. He didn't know if his contact would agree to be their informant, but nearly everyone had a price. His contact certainly did.

He would just have to find it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **_Mando'a_ Translations:**  
> Some may have been translated in previous chapters, if I missed one let me know!
> 
> _Gar mirsh solus_ \- you’re an idiot (lit. your braincell is lonely)  
>  _Wayii_ \- good grief! (General exclamation of surprise, good or bad)  
>  _Di'kutla jetii_ \- foolish Jedi  
>  _Mir'sheb_ \- smartass  
>  _Utreekov_ \- fool, idiot (lit. emptyhead)  
>  _Gett'se_ \- nuts (generic) … context is easy for this one  
>  _Jetti osik_ \- Jedi bullshit  
>  _Chakaare_ \- corpse robber, thief, petty criminal (general term of abuse)  
>  _Jare'la_ \- stupidly oblivious of danger, asking for it (in this case the 2nd)  
>  _Shebs_ \- backside, rear, buttocks (also rear of building)
> 
> \--
> 
> Sidenote: I realized like. A month ago that Thire would probably not have been promoted to Commander at this point in time, since he was likely promoted after Thorn's death. So that's kind of a discrepancy, but it's not a huge deal.


End file.
